Ok, First I should say that the picture above is by a company called Paradox and doesn't really illustrate my point, but now that I think about it, maybe it does.....
Things are going so well for me right now. I have an awesome new job, I'm making new friends, I started a running meetup group that has gotten great response, I'm going to a retreat today with like-minded folks, my runs have been going well this week and yet yesterday I felt downright depressed. Hormones (sorry gents)? I would say probably if I haven't witnessed this phenomena in me and in some people close to me before.
What is it about me, about them, that when things are going so well, that's when we feel blue. Is it because we are afraid that something might go wrong, that all the good things around us will start to turn into wormy apples, or that the smiling new friend will turn into an evil ghoul (going with the Halloween theme, sorry)? Is it that we feel we don't deserve all the good things that are happening?
Today, I have more questions than answers. I truly don't know why this happens to me. I have some suspicions it has something to do with things that happened earlier in my life (what doesn't?). My early childhood was idyllic and then all of that was shattered by the time I was 6 or 7. But, the pieces are coming back together for the first time in my life. Is this just a legacy that I can change? Can I turn the flashlight on the darkness that I sometmes feel stalking at my heels?
I believe I can. The old me of a year ago would have done something self-destructive yesterday to somehow sabotage the good stuff coming my way. Instead I came home and went to bed early and now I'm writing my post and will soon go to my retreat.
Maybe the picture above does illustrate this paradox....How can we live in a world filled with such wonder and mystery and yet still seek out the negativity instead of accepting the very miracle of our own lives? Pain is real, bad stuff does happen, but we do have a choice about the way we perceive and live our lives....I guess it's time to turn on the flashlight.
Comments/questions/thoughts - firstname.lastname@example.org
Freeing Sisyphus (aka Melody)
Putting the shoulder to the boulder and taking small steps each day to achieve freedom from the mundane.