Look at those naive young kids. OH wait, we are having computer issues so I can't show it to you. But picture a Christmas wedding, black and white photo. I am standing with my head held up high, with an exuberant look on my face. Brian looks terrified and is half smiling.
All we knew was that God was in control. Our first few years were dark but had moments of light. We were idealistic and were hopefully being helpful by mentoring kids.But, don't get me wrong,. In the midst of this Brian was the casualty of my wounded -ness. Not that he was perfect. Trurst me. He was so gracious and never put expectations on me. He just let me be me.
When we moved here, we had only been married 3 years. At the time, to both of us-it had seemed much longer. You see we were friends for a few years before dating and we had experienced hell and glory together.
We are going towards eight years here which we both can't believe. I've gone from resenting it to recognizing its beauty and so thankful for all of the women God has put in my life. Those who get me..hey, they get it. Those who don't, I've lost but it's all good.,..nothing but love for ya.
Brian and I both tried to agan make a difference with kids. Brian was a youth pastor and we had many intimate moments menotring teens. We are still friends with all of those kids and interact on Facebook. In the midst of this, there was still pain. I didnt understand what was going on with me and Brian was intimidated by that. So he stayed silent.
Man, during these years, we have both transformed so much. I found myself still lost and was super immature.I put too many expectations of people b/c of my pride. I said words that hurt and I learned my lesson,.
But, I just know I feel more confident but only because I am learning so much about God's grace and how it really is an ocean we are daily swimming in it. What better truth is there? We are free!!
I"ve watched Brian continue to love and serve the church when I was fed up and losing my love for the church. But, He is so faithful. He finally began tithing and this was a big trust issue of his heart. He is faithful to continue to give every week and loves tracking it. What can I say he is an introvert and I am the crazy hormonal, prideful girl trying to follow God's path for our marriage. Or thats what all us ladies think, right?
We are in no way perfect. But, we are staying together, working it out....building and investing in our relationships. It has been sloooooow going. But God always intervened and kept us strong.
I can't wait to see where we continue to journey and discover God's daily purpose for our family. I think we will continue to grow, have some fights....but hold on. And our beautiful boys...what a blessing.
We are learning to finally communicate and understand one another better than we ever have. We joke that we just had it backwards. Most marriages are super intimate those first few years and then lose that interest and then divorce. We had very difficult. first few years, but now-even though there's pain, we are still working and understand each other much better. Life is waaaay better.
Now each day, when we do it right by listening to God's voice, I see God's providence in every step we've taken. And there's is nothing more miraculous than I have experienced than where you look back and see how ALL of it was for His glory. So we can continue to believe. Trust and obey. Favorite hymn ever.
We are sinners making it ONLY because of God's grace. There is nothing in us that has enabled us to have our anniversary today. 11 years on 11/11/11. We totally did that on purpose.
Ephesians 3:14-21 was a verse Brian used to read to me when we were dating off and on. That verse has become my life verse and I believe I will experience his love more than I can imagine. I pray it over each youth or adult I pray with and for all of my friends and former friends that just couldn't hold down. Of course, I and we have not always been so easy to be friends with...again that seriousness we live with, expectations, insecurity, pride, you get the point. We miss our fellow journeyers but I guess we are always united in spirit and peace.
And of course there is always Facebook..
But I see myself maturing. And thats all we can do.
But, its all about growing.
You should read it. Its one of the most beautiful prayers to pray for people in your life.
I am so proud of you babe for working part time, losing your dreams, but moving up in your company, working your butt off to provide for us.I know one day it will all make since.
So, here's your gift. Since you never tell me what you want.
I know we will have a wonderful night.
Stay in his presence and walk in His spirit,
Oh and quit pissin me off,
General meditations on life and balance.